What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
