She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
