these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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