I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
