so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
