I just pynch a tree in the face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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