i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
