i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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