You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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