Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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