I skipped work to stalk him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
