Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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