you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
