come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
