I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
