I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
