I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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