there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
