Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have already put on my inside pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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