My sheets look like a crime scene.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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