Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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