Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i love accidental penises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
