This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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