i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
