"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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