Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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