Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
