We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
