My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
