Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
