if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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