I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
