I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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