go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
