I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She needs sedatives and a leash
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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