well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
