he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
