By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
