4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
