PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
