I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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