try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
