I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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