My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
