there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my being single is dangerous.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
