I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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