she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
