Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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