it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
