I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
