i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
